Many times I say that my life is a constant struggle... and now I understand why.
In "Volviendo a Casa" I have already talked to you many times about how we have different bodies interacting (the physical, emotional, mental body). These bodies EXIST, regardless of whether we are aware of them or not.
Now,
The more conscious we are, the more we understand that these (our) bodies do not act separately.
The less conscious we are, the more separation (or denial) there will be between them, and therefore fewer possibilities of finding balance and equilibrium in our lives.
Today while making my breakfast I understood something that until now I had not made so conscious.
In the morning meditation I saw myself struggling with myself, saying to myself... Why do I keep doing what I do, if it doesn't make me 100% happy?, When am I going to start living my real life?
And I'm not going to lie to you.
These thoughts come to me more than I would like.
They come to me every day.
And this is what I mean when I talk to you about the constant struggle with myself.
Because, on the other hand, (and I'm very clear about this), I have a BEAUTIFUL life.
I am surrounded by beautiful people who love me, I have a partner who truly complements me, a stable job that gives me the flexibility to have time for myself. I have a deep connection with myself that I cultivate every day. And I could go on... for many, and for myself, I AM A LUCKY ONE.
But then, the thing is, why do I keep asking myself the same question?
And to answer this, I have to go through several points. At least until today, with what I know and have learned, this is my answer:
Something that I am very clear about is that there is a need in me for freedom and deep expression, which I feel is "dimmed" by my current lifestyle. There is a part of me that believes that this lifestyle (and by this I mean a defined job, on a computer, Monday to Friday from 9 to 18) is not for me. That I am called to do much more. That I can do much more... if I set my mind to it obviously.
But if I leave it here, I am lying to you. What I just told you is not 100% true either, because in my day-to-day life, and with all the beautiful things I already mentioned to you, that flame does not completely extinguish either. I give myself those spaces for my day-to-day life. I seek, as far as possible, to adjust my day according to my priorities and needs, which I already know.
The thing is, like a good Leo (and human too), I would like these spaces to be MORE. I would like to be able to create a reality where I am able to support myself financially (because yes, it is important to me) from my pure creation and from what truly fills me.
That's real freedom for me.
This constant struggle ultimately translates into a confused emotional world, because sometimes it feels full and happy, and other times frustrated and stuck.
It is part of our human nature to be in constant emotional changes. It is not feasible to always be up, nor always down... because life is not linear. It is more like a roller coaster.
And here is where we arrive at the key point of this whole article: the entry of the mind.
For a long time now, and you know it, I have been working on my personal projects with A LOT of dedication, putting A LOT of energy into it. I do it because I love it, because of that innate need in me to create, but also because I am taking charge of my dreams and what I want for my future. In this journey I understood that this takes time, that I don't have to rush or stress myself so much about it... because if I don't also enjoy the process, it really is not worth it or will be genuine. There is discipline, there is constancy, but there is also rest and enjoyment.
The thing is, my mind knows all this.
It knows that I am working for my dreams, it knows how much effort and love I have put into this.
The emotion feels, but the mind knows. And we must seek a balance between both.
So the reason why I keep asking myself the same questions is because I have an emotional world that by nature is unstable, that clouds, and that feels according to what it experiences at the moment. And today I understood that one way to seek comfort is in the Mind.
To the extent that I put my mind to the emotion, my anxiety changes to patience, temperance, and allows me to have a slightly clearer vision of where to go. My convictions come to light, the reasons why I am currently doing what I do. Motivation comes out, discipline, those that drive me and clarify the path that emotion often clouds.
With time you will realize that the bodies living within us are true characters. The work of life is to learn when to listen to them, and when to stop listening to them as well.
I hope this helps you answer your own questions, those that you and I know are insatiable.
Sending you a hug,
Anto
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